Deja vu

Aakhri Baat

:main sach much mar jaoongi.

:tu mar jao.

Rail Car

wapsi ka sfr meray liay hmesha he kathan rha hay. main wapsi k khyal say he udaas ho jati hoon. pta nahi yeh udasi kion hoti hay, kabhi kabhi tu mujhy lgta hay k mujhy sirf sfr ka shoq hay. mujhy wapsi utna preshan nahi krti jitna safr khtm honay ka dukh.

wapsi k kuch scene tu hafzay main aesay smaye hain k yad na bhe krna chahoon tu hafzay ki almari say be tarteeb rakhay huay kapron ki trha aik aik kr k girnay lgtay hain. jesay wo muzaffarabad se wapsi. hm garmion ki chuttion main apnay taya k ghr gaye thay. wahan itna dil laga k wapis aanay ko jee he nahi chahta tha. wapsi pr sb say lar kr train main khirki k sath jurr kr bethi thi main. aur baqi behn bhai czns say batain kr rhay thay.aik doosray ko yaad rkhnay aur baqaidgi say khat likhnay ki talqeen ki ja rhi thi. main khirki main dubki bethi baar baar un karron ko dekh rhi thi jo mujhy Aapo nay diay thay. ya bar bar je chahta tha k bag say wo sher nikal k parhoon jo mujhy nanhi baji nay likh k dia tha. wo bohat piyari theen, mujhy aur bhe piyari ho gayi thien, kion k wo pehla shkhs theen jis nay meri soorat ko nahi seerat ko prkha tha. phir aatay huay unhon nay mujhy likh k dia tha ''seerat k hum ghulam hain soorat hui tu kia; surkh-o-sufaid matti ki moorat hui tu kia''. phir train holay holay chlnay lgi.... dair tak hath hiltay rahay.. aur phir dabbay main skoon ho gya. sb ahista ahista neend ki aghosh main janay lgay. mainay bethtay sath he apna dupatta mounh pr daal lia tha. main nahi chahti thi k hmesha ki trha rota dekh kr phir sb mzak urrain... dibbay main bohat khamoshi k bawjood mujhy lg rha tha k sab jaag rhay hain.
...

Islamabad say wapis lahore ja rhi hoon, garmion ki chuttian guzarnay. dil aesa betha ja rha hay k lagta hay kuch baki nahi bacha. ab k jab wapis aaongi is shehr main tu kuch nahi milay ga. youn lgta hay jesay her cheez pukar pukar kr keh rhi ho k mat jao. shyd is liay k mera apna bhi jee nahi chahta is shehr ko chornay k liay. aik din k liay bhi nahi. lekin jo sfr likhay ja chukay wo tu tay krnay he hotay hain. phir meray ruknay say honi ruk tu nahi skti. pr mujhy yeh smjh nahi aati k meri feelings aesi kion hain?.....mujhy koun bta rha hay k ab jb Islamabad aaoongi tu in kalay paharon k peechay say mujhy koi awaz de k nahi bulaye ga.

29th May 2010
Islamabad to Lahore

Aik abshaar thundi aur suffaid..... darmiyan mein ooper jati seerhian. 

Aur main in seerhion ko charhti ooper jati hui. 

Abshaar ka paani yakh thunda.... aur is k dono taraf sabza.... jesay green fields hotay hain. 

Is sabzay say hray bhray maidan main meri family k beshtar log mojud hain, aapa, mumaani, ammi ji, abbu ji sab.....

Wo mujhy ooper jata dekh rhay hain aur jb main aik hadd tak opper pohanch jaati hoon tu wo mujhy mna krtay hain k bass kr do, paani baraf ki tarha thunda hay tum freeze ho jao g. meray paaon sunn ho chukay hain, takleef bohat ziada hay mgr main kisi say keh nahi paati. Aahista aahista mera poora jism barf ki tarha jum jata hay aur main wahin beth jati hoon. Ab soorat e haal yeh hay k main wapis b nahi aa skti aur ooper b nahi ja skti. Aur goya bahar say b koi mujhy bachanay andar(abshar k) nahi aa skta. Main hath hila kr sb ko alvida kehna chahti hoon mgr ab bohat dair ho chuki hay. Main hath nahi utha sakti. Meri aankhon main aansoo aa jatay hain, main janti hoon k kuch dair baad main poori ki poori barf ban jaoon gi.

107, F-II

NUST, Islamabad