mujhay hungama kharra krna nahi aata. mujhay tamasha krna pasand nahi hay. main takleef main roti hoon pr majal hay jo sisknay ki awaz bhi koi sun paye. magar Allah Ji. main pathar nahi hoon, balkay sach kahoon tu buhat hassas hoon. shayad un logoN se xiada jo garaj baras k bad chamaknay lagtay hain, aur hawa k sath kisi aur simat nikal jatay hain.
mujhay behas nahi krni aati, main daleel nahi de sakti, mujhay lgta hay k kisi ko qaayl krnay se pehlay main us say hum khayal ho jati hoon. agr koi mujhay safai de rha hay tu main maan leti hoon. chahay main haq pr hoon. phir bhi mujhay yehi lagta hay k shayad agla bnda majboor hay. main kisi ki niyat pr shak nahi kr skti, mujhay lgta hay aesa krna gunah hay. mujhay ilzam dena nahi aata, kisi pr dosh dena nahi aata. han mera aik mujrim hay jisay main her waqt katahray main khra rakhti hoon-- yani mein khud!
mujhay ghussa aata hay, buhat aata hay, main cheekhna chahti hoon, pr mujh main hosla nahi hay k cheekh cheekh kr ro skoon, aur khud ko mazloom sabit kr skoon. pr main tu ander he ander ghut ghut kr zabt krnay ki koshish krti hoon, aur akhir main na zabt kr paati hoon aur na bhool paati hoon.
main tu khul kr naraz bhi nahi ho paati. main kia kroon, mujhay sirf wehm nahi hay bulkay ye haqeeqat hay k main rooth bhi jaoon tu koi manata nahi hay, janay deta hay. tu phir bila waja ki khich khich aur azmaaish ka faida. meray ander be-yaqeeni hay lamhoN se mutaliq, rishtoN se mutaliq, dosti se mutaliq aur muhabbat se mutaliq. phir bhi mujhay rait k mahal bnanay ka buhat shok hay, aur uski khoob taz'een o araish ka bhi. phir chahay wo moaj mein beh jaye.
mujhay lgta hay main apni zaat ko itna jan'nay k baad khud ko mehfooz krna janti hoon. pr be-sood! main kuch nahi janti, yani be yaqeeni!
main kaii bar sochti hoon k meray sath kon hay, kon hay jisay main kahoon k main marna chahti hoon aur wo mujhay apnay hathoN se zehr day de.
hr cheez ka aik mehvar hota hay, aik markaz, jis k gird wo ghoomti hay. jesay zameen k liay sooraj. jb tak zameen ka sooraj se taluq jura rhay ga zameen sooraj k gird chakar katay g. jis din ye kashish, ye taluq khatam ho gya, zameen sooraj k madar se nikal kr khla main bhatak jaye g. mera markaz Allah Subhan wa Tala ki zaat hay. aur mera dil is haqeeqat se bandha hua hay. main Usi k gird halat e tawaf main hoon. magr mera maddar buhat door hay.
Allah aik markaz hay, Us ki zaat paak se talluq rakhnay walay sabhi daai'roN ki shakal main Us k gird chakaar laga rhay hain, in main sb se qareeb wo log hain jo Khuda se muhabbat ka, ishq ka talluq jorr chukay hain. aur us se bhi qareeb wo jo "main aur tuu" k chakkar se azad han. unki zaat, zaat e Ellahi main zam ho jati hay. aur sb se door k dairay main wo jo khof k rishtay se jurray huay hain. mera ji chahta hay k main qareeb ho jaoon, aur qareeb, aur qareeb. Wo mujhay apnay noor k photons de day aur main jump kr k qareeb tareen radius main chali jaoon. main gunah aur sawab k meezan se aagay ki baat krna chahti hoon. main Allah se muhabbat krna nahi janti, main Allah se muhabbat krna seekhna chahti hoon.
28 ghantay, kam nahi hotay. jb 28 ghantay k liay aap mar jaien aur poori duniya main kisi aik shakhs ko bhi na fikr ho, na tashwish tu kia kaifiyat hoti hay. koi zalzala, koi heart attack.. nahi aesa kuch nahi hota. aik ansoo jo na palkon ki sarhad torrta hay na khushk hota hay. hr cheez kaaii zada ho jati hay. insan duniya main he apnay amaal k hisab kitab main lag jata hay. phir usay andaza hota hay k asal muflasi kia shay hay. tanhai kehtay kisay hain. jb 28 ghantay murda rehnay k baad apka dil chahay k main phir se mar jaoon. asli wala. magar ye zulm mujh pr Allah nay tu nahi kia. mainay khud kia, na janay kis aasray pr main aik aik kr k sb se la taluq hoti chali gayi, khud ko nafi kia sab se, kion k mujhay unki zaroorat he mahsoos nahi hui. aur jb aik dafa aap kisi ki zindagi se nikal gaye aur unhoN ne aapkay baghair jeena seekh lia tu aap wapis kesay ja sktay hain? phir aap unhain tu skoon se jeenay dain.
107-Fatima Hostels II
NUST, Islamabad
